I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
