ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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