I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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