last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
