I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
