Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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