I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
