He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
