My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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