She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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