somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
