Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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