I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
