I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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