i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
