Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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