Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize