Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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