i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
