So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
