i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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