Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
