smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
