At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
