Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
