sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
