Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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