cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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