Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
