Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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