I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
