There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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