Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
