he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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