did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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