My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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