No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The power of my boobs compel you
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
