i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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