Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
