Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
