Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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