is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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