im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
