i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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