I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
