I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
