so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
