P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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