I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
