nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic