I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
