dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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