They should really pass out barf bags in church
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
