I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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