i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
