Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
