i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
