Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My vagina is officially offended.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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