did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
