my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
