the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
