I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
