I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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