I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
