Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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