I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
