Fuck appropriateness.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
