you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
