remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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