Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
