I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
