Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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