SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
