Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
